Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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