Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
