I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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