I smell stomach acid.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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