It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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