did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
