On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
