If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He felt like a one man threesome
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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