I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So many bounce houses so little time
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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