Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
