thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
