So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize