Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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