who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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