May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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