but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
