apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
