At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
