I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
