His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
