need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
