...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
