just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
