Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
