Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
