it's not cheating when I paid for it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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