its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
