I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
