i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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