he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
