we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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