You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
