Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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