She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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