shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When are your genitals available?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
