oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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