Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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