Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
