the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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