She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
