dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
