All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she smelled like a LAN party
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
