how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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