I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
