I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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