so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
