Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
