What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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