I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Green mimosas i think yes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
