Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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