you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize