Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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