covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
