Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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