I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
