Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
