Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize