my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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