you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
