Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
