Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
