Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
