I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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