and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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