so that wasnt chicken after all
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
