no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
