I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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