Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
