haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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