Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
