I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize