Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize