I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
