Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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