He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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