you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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