Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
