If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Still dying that you shit outside
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize