I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
