I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
