they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
