so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
