Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
