I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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