I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
