Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
