3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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