how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
