you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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