I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize