im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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