lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
