Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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