Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize