i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
