You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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