life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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