It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
