No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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