I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
