doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
