I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
