1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
